some good news is that I'm not as depressed and anxious as I was, I spent the last two weeks sorting myself out, I decided to look up what causes depression and anxiety, a lot of sites said that the cause is a lack of control or feeling like I don't have or cannot control my situation, a feeling of helplessness.
So I made a list of things that I like and enjoy and another list of things that upset/annoy me, I didn't bother to focus on the list of things that annoy me because I already know why they annoy me, so instead I focused on trying to figure out why the things I liked/enjoyed, I liked so much, and what I felt I derived from doing them.
I noticed that both list what almost exactly opposite to each other, so I compaired the two, and once I knew what emotions I had on each listed item, I thought why not replace something that instead of making me depressed, brings me happiness or something fun when I feel bored?
like for instance I get sound anxiety between 3-7 pm, because there are a lot of kids in front of, around and behind my house, making loud and excessively annoying noise, I hate excessive loud noises no matter what is making them, previously this noise was only at the rear of my house, so I would escape it by wearing ear plugs or retreating to the front of my house, but I cant now that there are also a lot out the front at that same time, so I looked at my lists, saw that I like listening to music, it brought me happiness and a sense of calm, so instead of listening to the sound of loud kids that bring me noise anxiety during that time of day,
I cant escape from it due to being unemployed/tight on money/in my own home, instead I listen to loud music that drowns the noise out, which also brings me happiness as I sing to the songs that I like, which stops me being anxious and as depressed, I also use earplugs when I can hear them through the music. This puts me in control of the situation. I know a few of you do and have struggled with anxiety and depression, and this kind of information would be useful for you, that's why I wanted to share it with you as soon as I figured it out for myself.
speaking of sharing useful things, I've been trying out an app called "goal setter", so far I only have two goals set up, I found this to be really quite easy once you've set up the first goal into the goal setter, it's relatively simple to use after that. my first goal seems to be easy enough to maintain I think it's because it's so specific, where as im having trouble actually doing the second goal because it's so open.
Goal 1: apply for 2 jobs daily
point: To make sure that I don't forget to apply for at least two jobs per day.
Aim: I'm already sitting down applying for 2 jobs, I may apply for more than just 2 jobs while im at it, as opposed to applying for 14 jobs in one sitting per week, it means that I'm not forgetting to apply everyday as Jobs are being listed, which gives me a better chance of getting an interview that leads to employment.
Goal 2: 10 minutes exercise daily
point: to try and do at least 10 minutes of any kind of exercise that works up a sweat at any time of the day.
Aim: to achieve a regular moderate exercise, as a daily pattern across an entire year, rather than intense exercise for a few months, then forgetting to ever start again.
I'm looking at adding more goals a bit later that are more specific, related to the exercise goal, to see if it's actually just because I've got it so none specific, because I haven't actually done any actual exercise yet with that kind of listing, I've only got to tick it off as yes, when I've gotten sweaty from cleaning the house over the process of a day. where as, I think if I actually put it down as 5 pushups or something, it would actually be something very specific that I would know I have to do today, have I done it? yes or no? I'll probably actually do that.
Even though I haven't managed to get a job yet, the daily approach seems to be more direct, and im not getting as quick a rejections as I was from the mass application methods, which might mean their actually being considered on some level before they bluntly reject them.
by taking the time to actually sort myself out, its at least helped with my situational depression and anxiety a bit, which is good, I mean I can't go to a job in that mental situation and just think I'll have time to deal with it later, these are things that I need to figure out before then, and while I am applying, I'm doing a waiting game anyway, so I might as well be trying to improve myself in that time frame. which is a little ironic since the conditions were only made worse by being unemployed, chronically ILL and finically stressed in the first place.
So anyway I typed all this up earlier today and it was actually really more direct info, but before I finished Phoenix decided to click on my mouse and close out of the actual window, so I lost everything that I've typed up, so after I spent my evening irritated, I decided I would try out my tablets feature of recording what I say as text, honestly it didn't do too well, but at least it let me retype the main parts of what I wanted to say on the journal, this way I only had to hop on my computer and proof read it before reposting it, otherwise frankly you would have no idea what I was trying to say in some parts.