Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Member Kelly RobertsFemale/Australia Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 508 Deviations 2,792 Comments 14,155 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Random Favourites

Groups

Activity


  • Mood: Hungry
  • Eating: god i want food but the shops arnt open yet
  • Drinking: water
not much I guess, im excited to see my brother and his wife up for this week, i'll be doing some work experience later this week I hope, but im not fully sure im excited by it, I guess i'd just rather it be a job not *hi do the exact same work but for free so you can finish your certificates practical hours*.

I think for now the depressions gone, and I seem to be in control of my anxiety for now, but I know i'll be sick with it later when I have to turn up for the work experience, if im not carful about how I approach it, I could end up with another stomach ulcer, so yeah, a bit more stressful than the average first day can be.

that's about all I can think of for now, thought i'd just update, let you know how im doing.

also my fridge died.. yup, just great, when I cant afford to get it fixed or replaced, it craps itself. which means I kinda cant keep fresh food in the house very long, hence why right now im super hungry and waiting for the shops to open.
  • Mood: Neutral
  • Eating: nerds
  • Drinking: coke
some good news is that I'm not as depressed and anxious as I was, I spent the last two weeks sorting myself out, I decided to look up what causes depression and anxiety, a lot of sites said that the cause is a lack of control or feeling like I don't have or cannot control my situation, a feeling of helplessness.

So I made a list of things that I like and enjoy and another list of things that upset/annoy me, I didn't bother to focus on the list of things that annoy me because I already know why they annoy me, so instead I focused on trying to figure out why the things I liked/enjoyed, I liked so much, and what I felt I derived from doing them.

I noticed that both list what almost exactly opposite to each other, so I compaired the two, and once I knew what emotions I had on each listed item, I thought why not replace something that instead of making me depressed, brings me happiness or something fun when I feel bored?

like for instance I get sound anxiety between 3-7 pm, because there are a lot of kids in front of, around and behind my house, making loud and excessively annoying noise, I hate excessive loud noises no matter what is making them, previously this noise was only at the rear of my house, so I would escape it by wearing ear plugs or retreating to the front of my house, but I cant now that there are also a lot out the front at that same time, so I looked at my lists, saw that I like listening to music, it brought me happiness and a sense of calm, so instead of listening to the sound of loud kids that bring me noise anxiety during that time of day,

I cant escape from it due to being unemployed/tight on money/in my own home, instead I listen to loud music that drowns the noise out, which also brings me happiness as I sing to the songs that I like, which stops me being anxious and as depressed, I also use earplugs when I can hear them through the music. This puts me in control of the situation. I know a few of you do and have struggled with anxiety and depression, and this kind of information would be useful for you, that's why I wanted to share it with you as soon as I figured it out for myself.

speaking of sharing useful things, I've been trying out an app called "goal setter", so far I only have two goals set up, I found this to be really quite easy once you've set up the first goal into the goal setter, it's relatively simple to use after that. my first goal seems to be easy enough to maintain I think it's because it's so specific, where as im having trouble actually doing the second goal because it's so open.

Goal 1: apply for 2 jobs daily 
point: To make sure that I don't forget to apply for at least two jobs per day.
Aim: I'm already sitting down applying for 2 jobs, I may apply for more than just 2 jobs while im at it, as opposed to applying for 14 jobs in one sitting per week, it means that I'm not forgetting to apply everyday as Jobs are being listed, which gives me a better chance of getting an interview that leads to employment.

Goal 2: 10 minutes exercise daily
point: to try and do at least 10 minutes of any kind of exercise that works up a sweat at any time of the day.
Aim: to achieve a regular moderate exercise, as a daily pattern across an entire year, rather than intense exercise for a few months, then forgetting to ever start again.
 
I'm looking at adding more goals a bit later that are more specific, related to the exercise goal, to see if it's actually just because I've got it so none specific, because I haven't actually done any actual exercise yet with that kind of listing, I've only got to tick it off as yes, when I've gotten sweaty from cleaning the house over the process of a day. where as, I think if I actually put it down as 5 pushups or something, it would actually be something very specific that I would know I have to do today, have I done it? yes or no? I'll probably actually do that.

Even though I haven't managed to get a job yet, the daily approach seems to be more direct, and im not getting as quick a rejections as I was from the mass application methods, which might mean their actually being considered on some level before they bluntly reject them.

by taking the time to actually sort myself out, its at least helped with my situational depression and anxiety a bit, which is good, I mean I can't go to a job in that mental situation and just think I'll have time to deal with it later, these are things that I need to figure out before then, and while I am applying, I'm doing a waiting game anyway, so I might as well be trying to improve myself in that time frame. which is a little ironic since the conditions were only made worse by being unemployed, chronically ILL and finically stressed in the first place.

So anyway I typed all this up earlier today and it was actually really more direct info, but before I finished Phoenix decided to click on my mouse and close out of the actual window, so I lost everything that I've typed up, so after I spent my evening irritated, I decided I would try out my tablets feature of recording what I say as text, honestly it didn't do too well, but at least it let me retype the main parts of what I wanted to say on the journal, this way I only had to hop on my computer and proof read it before reposting it, otherwise frankly you would have no idea what I was trying to say in some parts.
  • Mood: Angsty
hey, so lately I've been super bored and depressed, when I wake up, I feel like there's no real reason to get up, I get up, eat, use my computer a bit, maybe eat again, shower, go to bed, take ages to fall asleep, sleep and repeat. occasionally I have an appointment I need to attend, so I get up and go out for it, but otherwise, I have nothing to do.

im still looking for a job, while trying to stay stressfree, if I get stressed or to anxious, my IBD starts to flare up, which is quite painful and uncomfterble, it happened just recently when I had to spend time around a perticually stressfull situation, and knew it wasn't a once off thing, but would become weekly.

as I said im looking for a job, and it feels like its a lost cause, i'm not getting anywhere, and getting a heap of emails or phone calls to tell me im unsucceful, not suitable, or have been passed up for someone better, just puts me down in the dumps, I need work, and not being able to control such a major aspect of my life, leaves me feeling helpless, or other times just worthless.

it just came to my attention tonight, that I don't have any hobbies anymore, heck, I don't even leave the house unless its to get food or see apointments, when I was having a deeply anxious internal argument with a few people I've always wanted to have a go at, since they don't speak well of me. it occoured to me, I used to do, weightlifting, kick boxing, cycling, yoga/tai chi/platies, walking/running, drawing, comics, gaming, and I used to go out around twice a week just to see friends and family between all that and a full time job.

by comparison, im a shadow of my former self, I know the difference is now I have permenit injurys, IBD, and various forms of anxiety, plus situational depression from no job/hobbies/family/regular friend interactions. but it really left me wondering, exactly what happened? id sit and draw, listen to music or watch a show when I came home, while my dinner roasted away for an hour, i'd do my exercise right after work and sometimes also before it, so that when I got home at 7:30, I could do anything I wanted to do from then till midnight, before I went to bed.
Da Id 2014 by KellyVenus
Da Id 2014
I actually made this a few days ago, but da wouldn't let me upload it.

during a period of time where I was really bored and kinda feeling down in the dumps, I noticed my old DA ID was 2years old, so I figured i'd put up a new one, with some slightly different info, and the most recent photo of me from September at my brothers wedding.
Loading...
  • Mood: Annoyed
  • Listening to: various MLP music videos
  • Watching: various MLP music videos
  • Drinking: water
hey everyone, so after a week of taking the medicine for my imflamatory bowel disease, and just to be clear, I did miss a few dose's over the process of the 10 days, missing two seperate full days when I became suspicious, I just wasn't feeling very good after taking them, I was having migranes for 3 days at a time, intense fever flipping from boiling hot to freezing one after the other constaintly, sensivity to sunlight, exhaustion and trouble breathing, chest pain, nausea, vomiting, problems staying hydrated enough, dizziness, sore back, frequent FREQUENT leg cramping, lower body weakness, pain when i moved my eyes which went red, neck pain leading to inflamed lymph nodes at the base of my skull radiating down my back, swollen glands in my throat with a constaint dry mouth/throat, then I broke out in a full body rash, and finally my face turned purple, and my lips and nails turned a bluey purple.

which by then i'd figured out it only got worse after taking the tablets and had stopped, turns out, even after having asked the pharmacist before purchasing the medicine, did it contain sulfer? im seriously allergic to sulfer, and they said it didn't, i had them check again and give me a print out of the medicine just to be sure, they said it didn't, so i had taken it home and started taking it,

when i took it back to try and refund the unopened bottle and get the antibiotics i now needed to treat my bad fever, the very same guy that sold it to me, looked it up, and said that it was a subgroup of sulfer, which i thought explained why it took a couple of days before it fully hit, if i'd taken another dose i could have ended up in hospital, thank god i trust my body to tell me when i look at the medicine not to take it again,

the pharmacist probly realised they could be liable for not giving accurate information the first time, and giving me medicine that could have done some serious damage or worse, they refunded both the opened and unopened bottles of tablets, gave me a free anti-histamine to help alleviate the rash irritation, discounted my anti biotics and apologised perfusively.

my face is still quite red, have a bad fever and my bodys still covered in the red rash, and its still itchy, but at least my migraines gone.

i have to wait two weeks till its hopefully fully flushed out of my body, then i have to undergo more tests to see if im ok to take the replacement medicine, but i cant take anything for my IBD till then, they wouldn't give me the script for the medicine just to make certain that i don't take it in the next two weeks.
  • Mood: Hungry
  • Eating: god i want food but the shops arnt open yet
  • Drinking: water
not much I guess, im excited to see my brother and his wife up for this week, i'll be doing some work experience later this week I hope, but im not fully sure im excited by it, I guess i'd just rather it be a job not *hi do the exact same work but for free so you can finish your certificates practical hours*.

I think for now the depressions gone, and I seem to be in control of my anxiety for now, but I know i'll be sick with it later when I have to turn up for the work experience, if im not carful about how I approach it, I could end up with another stomach ulcer, so yeah, a bit more stressful than the average first day can be.

that's about all I can think of for now, thought i'd just update, let you know how im doing.

also my fridge died.. yup, just great, when I cant afford to get it fixed or replaced, it craps itself. which means I kinda cant keep fresh food in the house very long, hence why right now im super hungry and waiting for the shops to open.

Donate

KellyVenus has started a donation pool!
120 / 200
i'd like to get a premium mebership

You must be logged in to donate.
:iconyulrespinosa::iconyankumie:Anonymous:iconkenty1234:

AdCast - Ads from the Community

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconyoungunlovedpoet:
youngunlovedpoet Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2014
Tag a quality deviant, You’re it! Quality doesn’t mean that you have a lot of followers, or a lot of messages. It means that you’re nice to other people, and you deserve to be happy. If you get this message, someone is telling you that they love you as you are, and they don’t care how much followers you have. Send this to 10 deviants who deserve it. If you break the chain, nothing will happen. But it’s just good to let someone know that you love them! Heart
Reply
:iconkellyvenus:
KellyVenus Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2015
thank you, this was nice
Reply
:iconyoungunlovedpoet:
youngunlovedpoet Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2015
:D 
Reply
:iconharukohoshiko:
HarukoHoshiko Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank you for the :+fav:  ~<3
Reply
:iconkellyvenus:
KellyVenus Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014
no problem ariel's awesome
Reply
Add a Comment: